Techies and human relationships

[Panda]

So Im sure every guy who likes Tech ignores thier partner /significant other for periods of time.
You know how it is, when that bug needs fixing, it is the focus of your world.
3 months ago my partner started making jokes that my computer is my true girlfriend! Once she tried to snatch my phone out of my hand because I had been coding on it, on a day out.
I ignored her warnings that she was becoming bored and lonely.
A month ago she left me, for a slightly younger guy. And apparently its not coding theyve been doing morning, noon and night
In the minimal messaging contact I now get; She is saying her new life is going well, and is having fun, and she feels valued.

Feeling very sick about it. I would say sick++ !
Really wondering if other Techies have had the same issues with human relationships?
Is being this into computers even compatible with ‘married life’?

[phenomlab]

@Panda I congratulate you for having the courage to discuss something like this, and I’ll say that I’ve encountered it myself many times, so you’re not alone.

My relationship with technology started back in the 90s, and I’ll admit I focused far too much effort on the work side of things rather than my own family. This obviously didn’t go down very well and did have a material impact on my relationships in the sense that my spouse said that I cared more about work than I did about her.

This is course was never true, but it’s hard for them to think otherwise when you spend every waking hour in front of a PC or constantly on your phone, which just makes them suspicious. My wife has the unlock code for my phone and the password for our home PC (which we all use). I’ve nothing to hide, so no issues for me. We also share bank accounts etc, so again, complete transparency - not that it’s needed, but it’s there.

Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, partners - however you want to refer to them will often feel isolated - and agitated by your love for technology, and it’s made worse if they do not share the same passion - if you spend all of your free time and work on that and effectively freeze them out, then yes, they are going to feel like you don’t care, or aren’t committed, which is understandable.

Having a demanding job (I know all about this one) can also drive a wedge between you and strain relationships because they expect a 9-5 scenario and any job that deals specifically with technology is anything but that.

Bottom line is that I feel your pain here but it’s important to also take others in a relationship into consideration and far more importantly, make time for them.

The old adage here is that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, and my advice to anyone is to make sure their family and relationships have priority over everything and that includes work. Without commitment from you, they will feel undervalued, unloved, and unwanted to the point where they realise life is better elsewhere.

I’ve been on this train all of my technology life and it’s hard to strike a balance between personal and professional, but it’s a target you have to constantly achieve.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, but let this be a lesson you can learn from and not repeat.

[phenomlab]

@Panda [MOD] I changed the title of this thread to match the subject at hand as I think it will draw more attention. It’s a great discussion topic, and I’m sure others have experienced this. You are not alone.

[phenomlab]

Let’s not be shy here guys - share your experiences!

@JAC with all of your efforts recently trying to obtain wifi “Mecca”, how has your other half reacted to this…?

[JAC]

@phenomlab In all honesty she’s been great with it all, up until the niggly bits of me buying a few cables .

If I told her I may have to spend in the range of £130-170 to correct/ make the issue better then well that’s a whole new matter .

[Panda]

And a positive update from me …
Having given it a few weeks, it turns out being heavily into tech can actually be preferable in partners eyes than being obsessed with football, gambling or numerous other vices!

[phenomlab]

@Panda said in Techies and human relationships:

preferable in partners eyes than being obsessed with football, gambling or numerous other vices!

Does that mean the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side?

[Panda]

@phenomlab
I compare it to getting irritated with NodeBB, then running off to Flarum …
and returning back after a week saying “all is forgiven” lol

[phenomlab]

@Panda Great analogy…