Corporate Bullshit Generator

[phenomlab]

Have you ever found yourself struggling for that killer phrase where you know you need that competitive edge to get you over the line, but just can’t find the words? Look no further! Introducing the Corporate Bullshit Generator; a product absolutely guaranteed to make your speech or presentation stand out well above the others. Just copy the phrase generated below and insert where required.

Give it a whirl, and amaze your peers with your superior intellect

Try It

Ok, in all seriousness, this is something I wrote on the back of being subjected to “death by PowerPoint” some time ago - an extremely dull deck full containing over 100 slides - with random “buzz words” inserted where the author thought it appropriate. This is my response to that specific scenario. Full sarcasm is intended!

In terms of code, this is 100% JS - there is also a PHP version for those who’d prefer that - in actual fact, I originally wrote it in PHP but only this afternoon converted that to JS.

Enjoy! If you’d like the code, let me know. I intend to create a “coding playground” where stuff like this can be found.

[phenomlab]

Some of my personal favourites

[crazycells]

ahaha good job!

I loved this BS generator; currently, the internet is full of these buzzwords. Unfortunately, it is so important to use this, nowadays if you do not add any buzzwords to your site, people belittle you

[phenomlab]

@crazycells yeah, I’ve noticed that as well. What is it with buzzwords? All they signify to me is that you can “talk the talk” but not “walk the walk”. Anyone can read something on the internet, and after a while, probably recite it word for word, but do they truly understand it?

I interviewed a guy once who certainly knew buzzwords like the back of his hand, but failed a technical test miserably.

[phenomlab]

@Madchatthew thought this might appeal to you

[Madchatthew]

@phenomlab said in Corporate Bullshit Generator:

@Madchatthew thought this might appeal to you

LOLOL yes this is awesome!! Where I am working now, all of the “Upper Echelon” (directors, manager) have to use all of these buzz words when they have their meetings. Half the time you can’t even understand what they are talking about hahaha. I hate the use of all these buzz words. Just say what you mean so a 3rd grader could understand it, and then you won’t have to have 10 more meetings to talk about what you are trying to get across. LOL

Yes, this is a very good one!

[phenomlab]

@Madchatthew Yes, exactly. Its creation was based purely on sarcasm. I too hate those buzzwords as much as I hate “Death by PowerPoint”.

[Madchatthew]

@phenomlab “Death by Powerpoint” just hit me over the head with a cast iron pan LOL

[phenomlab]

@Madchatthew I’m guessing you’ve been exposed to this multiple times in both your technical and medical careers…

[Madchatthew]

@phenomlab Yes and now that I am not on the floor as a nurse and in meetings with directors and managers and VPs and Presidents and people with that title and that title that don’t really mean anything to me, I see them even more now. It is crazy how some people think a super long power point presentation is going to make me want to do something, or understand something that has so many buzzwords in them. About halfway through slide one I am alseep. LOLOL

On the technical side, I used to see this a lot when I worked for corporations. Same thing would happen. It seems like those that are doing these presentations just never get it. They don’t understand that no one wants to sit through all of that. Just tell me the issue, tell me what you would like done then go work on the solution. Easy. Simple.

[phenomlab]

@Madchatthew Yes, I tend to work the same way. As soon as a potential vendor wheels out their slide deck, I often ask if we need to go through every page. I’ve yet to see any deck that is engaging enough to capture my attention for more than a few minutes.

[Madchatthew]

@phenomlab I have almost many times now spoken out loudly instead of just in my head if we could just get to the point and what is it exactly you want us to know. Fortunately, I have been able to keep the screaming agony in my head. Which by the way is not easy.

[Madchatthew]

Haha, I was playing with this today and here are some of the ones that came up. Thought those were funny.

conveniently reconceptualize go forward growth strategies
continually initiate empowered leadership skills
synergistically promote client-based initiatives
interactively simplify unique vortals

[phenomlab]

@Madchatthew yes, a lot of amusement can be generated from that. I made that in response to the death by PowerPoint decks I’ve been force fed over the years and the overuse of buzzwords that inevitably goes with them.

[Madchatthew]

@phenomlab Yeah I hear that. It is like there is a special committee in every corporation that just sits around trying to think of new ways to say things creating these buzzwords

[phenomlab]

@Madchatthew said in Corporate Bullshit Generator:

@phenomlab Yeah I hear that. It is like there is a special committee in every corporation that just sits around trying to think of new ways to say things creating these buzzwords

Yes, absolutely. Either those buzzwords get cheesier or I’m just getting older and less tolerant.

[Madchatthew]

@phenomlab said in Corporate Bullshit Generator:

Yes, absolutely. Either those buzzwords get cheesier or I’m just getting older and less tolerant.

I think it is both LOL